- You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
- You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
- You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
- You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
- You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
- You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
- You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
- You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
- You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
- You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
- You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
- You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
- Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
- 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
- You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
- You have 2 cows. You do not care.
- You have 2 doomed cows...
- You have 2 cows. There is no God.
- You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
- You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
- You have two cows. Since they are both female, if you happen to keep them in the same stable you will pay a 5,000 rouble fine for homosexual propaganda.
- You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
- You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England. As you assume the throne, you throw them off a building.
- You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
- You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
- You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
- You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
- You have a million cows because they're everywhere
- You have 2 cows. You ship them together and make GIF posts screaming about how much you love your cows, but they should stop existing because they are so perfect.
- I give you a hamburger.
- You do NOT have two cows. Cows do not exist. What's a cow? Show me a cow! That's not a cow! Who let you in here?
- You have two cows. You are very sorry for them.
- You do not have two cows, you have an elk. Riding on two cows is not majestic. Also the dwarves are on fire.
- You had two cows but now they're on fire.
- You did not invite those two cows for dinner.
- The shit you go through.
- Started off as a post that explained different goverments but then everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
- All cows are their own masters.
Sex is not a goddamn performance. Sex should feel as natural as drinking water. It should not require confidence.
Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe. Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.
You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh. It’s not about being “good in bed.” It’s about being happy.
One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.
What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you. Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.
Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be. I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.
I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want. It’s originality. It’s passion. It’s joy. Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.
I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.
“Good in bed,” what. You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you. Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel. This isn’t a test.